Things I have learned
I posted this as advice to a friend recently, who is having problems with the whole life thing. Who doesn't from time to time? Said friend is frustrated with the drudgery that he feels life has become. Having been there, done that - I can relate. I think what I said bears saving for my own perusal.
I've discovered, as I go, a few things that are true for me. They may be true for you, or they may not; in any case, I share what I've learned.
1. The more I like myself, the less I worry about other people liking me. This isn't my 20-something rebellious "fuck you if you don't like me, world, I GOTTA BE ME!" thing; it's more that I know and like myself. I accept that I have faults. I know, more importantly, that I am *likable*. Until you like yourself, and see yourself as a good and likable person, you will always fear disappointing/being disliked by others - because the voice in your head is busy with it's litany of your weaknesses and failures. Learn to love yourself, and LIKE yourself, and that voice has much less hold over you.
2. Yeah, life is repetition. Or perhaps it's better to say patterns. There's no value judgement on a pattern until you put it there! What is drudgery to one is pleasure to another. I like to make patterns that I enjoy performing; even with things I dislike (cleaning), making them a pattern makes them less painful for me. It sounds less like you hate patterns and more like you don't like the patterns you have.
3. There are some choices we don't get to undo. Being a grownup means we have to make the best of it. I hate that I got divorced. I hate admitting that this amazing, delightful marriage I have is my second - forcing me to admit to the colossal screw-up that was my first. BUT! I focus on the fact that I got a second chance at a life with Brian. Not everyone gets that. I did! Take a look at the unchangeable things. Decide that you're in it for the long haul, and make it good.
I've discovered, as I go, a few things that are true for me. They may be true for you, or they may not; in any case, I share what I've learned.
1. The more I like myself, the less I worry about other people liking me. This isn't my 20-something rebellious "fuck you if you don't like me, world, I GOTTA BE ME!" thing; it's more that I know and like myself. I accept that I have faults. I know, more importantly, that I am *likable*. Until you like yourself, and see yourself as a good and likable person, you will always fear disappointing/being disliked by others - because the voice in your head is busy with it's litany of your weaknesses and failures. Learn to love yourself, and LIKE yourself, and that voice has much less hold over you.
2. Yeah, life is repetition. Or perhaps it's better to say patterns. There's no value judgement on a pattern until you put it there! What is drudgery to one is pleasure to another. I like to make patterns that I enjoy performing; even with things I dislike (cleaning), making them a pattern makes them less painful for me. It sounds less like you hate patterns and more like you don't like the patterns you have.
3. There are some choices we don't get to undo. Being a grownup means we have to make the best of it. I hate that I got divorced. I hate admitting that this amazing, delightful marriage I have is my second - forcing me to admit to the colossal screw-up that was my first. BUT! I focus on the fact that I got a second chance at a life with Brian. Not everyone gets that. I did! Take a look at the unchangeable things. Decide that you're in it for the long haul, and make it good.
